How small have you made your mind?

Try this simple exercise sometime. Just for fun. Get a sheet of paper to write on. Now imagine this.

You're standing on a large square sheet of paper. It could be as big as you wish. You are imagining this, afterall!

Now be a hundred percent truthful to yourself and begin writing the biases your mind has. All of us have clear likes and dislikes. Our tolerance levels vary. But at our deepest level all of us have very clear likes and dislikes. Observe them, number them and write them one by one. Dont judge yourself for whatever you write down. But for every point you write, fold the (imaginary) paper you are standing on, in half.

Here is an example:

1. I dont like people who talk loudly.

Fold the paper you are standing on, in half.

2. I dont like people who eat meat.

Fold the paper in half again.

3. I dont like people who....

Fold the paper again. You get the drift.

You could choose to write down as many of these dislikes and continue to fold the paper in half. If you think the list may not really end anytime soon, just write down as many as you can in maybe fifteen minutes and fold, fold, fold away.

At the end of this little exercise take a look at what the size of the paper sheet was initially, and how small it is now.

So how small have you made your mind? 

I did pretty bad.

I'm about to 'undo' that by taking a good look at the list and analyzing exactly why I am closing my mind to certain people instead of rejecting ONLY the aspect of their behavior that I do not like.

:-)

#1 - Rigidity of thought

Age has nothing to do with rigidity of thought. A 30 year old may be as set in his ways as an 80 year old. Some people find it very difficult to accept a point of view different from their own. These are the kind of people who will happily and energetically debate until you give in and either shut up or accept their opinion as the only truth. These kind of people are difficult to live with. You cannot bear to or be around them for long. They drain your energy. If you are unfortunate enough to have to live with such a person, chances are you learnt that it is better to shut up than to engage such a person in debate.

The sad thing is, all of us are that annoying person once in a while.

Being open to others' opinions, being tolerant of others' beliefs, being willing to change and improve at every chance you get are the only way to become a better person than you were yesterday. It is the only way to progress spiritually.

The need to shoot down someone else's opinion stems from an inflated ego. The inability to accept that you may be wrong about something stems from ego. 

Religion is the most easiest topic to test how rigid your thoughts are. Is it not enough to be true to your beliefs? Do you find it necessary to rubbish someone else's religion to feel better about your own religion? Do you find it necessary to look down upon all other belief systems, all other faiths, all other cultures to prove your loyalty to the religion you follow?

Parenting is another such battleground. Do you feel your way of parenting is the better or the only way children should be raised? Do you regularly criticize or fight about how your spouse approaches a situation pertaining to your children? Do you take pleasure in ridiculing your neighbors for the way they raise their kids?

It is easy to observe yourself and find out whether you are rigid in your thoughts. The next few times that you disagree with someone about something, observe how quickly and strongly you react to the difference in your opinions. How important is it for you to "correct" or "enlighten" that 'ignorant' person? Does it make you angry that they do not feel the same way that you do about something? After a few minutes of trying to convince them that your viewpoint is the only correct one, do you notice your heart beating at a quicker pace and your voice getting louder? Do you defend your stance until you get breathless? After such a disagreement takes place do you find the other person a little less likeable?

After a few times of observing your behavior at the beginning of a disagreement if you identify yourself as a rigid thinker, you could decide to improve your responses to become a better person.

At the beginning of a disagreement, decide to hear everything that the other person has to say without cutting in. Remember to keep breathing in a relaxed manner. When you are listening to a viewpoint different from yours, decide to look for points that you could learn from and agree with. Avoid making it a tug of war between egos - remember that it is not about winning the argument. Remember that it is not important to convince the other person and transform his beliefs. What is important here, is to understand and seek to be understood without dismissing the chance to learn something new or different.

Remind yourself to live and let live.